Rachel

midnightiplier:

if y'all could help get this to @crankgameplays @markiplier and @therealjacksepticeye so they can see this. i have a story i need them to hear.
About 3 to 4 years or maybe 5 years ago i started to watch Felix. i can’t remember what it was, but soon after, i discovered Mark and Seán and now i’ve discovered Ethan and i am so happy i did. Now i’m not some special person with a special story but i have one that i want them to hear.
i am 20. my name is nicole. i don’t know if any of you know what aspergers is but that’s what i have. ever since i was a little girl, my family knew i wasn’t like a “regular” kid, i guess you could say.
i was diagnosed with ADHD at a young age, and up until i turned like 10-12 was when they finally diagnosed me with aspergers.
this is a description of aspergers and the characteristics that come with being a person with AS.
“Asperger syndrome (AS), also known as Asperger’s, is a developmental disorder characterized by significant difficulties in social interaction and nonverbal communication, along with restricted and repetitive patterns of behavior and interests. As a milder autism spectrum disorder (ASD), it differs from other ASDs by relatively normal language and intelligence. Although not required for diagnosis, physical clumsiness and unusual use of language are common. Signs usually begin before two years old and typically last for a person’s entire life. Asperger syndrome (AS), also known as Asperger’s, is a developmental disorder characterized by significant difficulties in social interaction and nonverbal communication, along with restricted and repetitive patterns of behavior and interests. As a milder autism spectrum disorder (ASD), it differs from other ASDs by relatively normal language and intelligence. Although not required for diagnosis, physical clumsiness and unusual use of language are common. Signs usually begin before two years old and typically last for a person’s entire life.
People with Asperger syndrome often display restricted or specialized interests, such as this boy’s interest in stacking cans.
As a pervasive developmental disorder, Asperger syndrome is distinguished by a pattern of symptoms rather than a single symptom. It is characterized by qualitative impairment in social interaction, by stereotyped and restricted patterns of behavior, activities and interests, and by no clinically significant delay in cognitive development or general delay in language. Intense preoccupation with a narrow subject, one-sided verbosity, restricted prosody, and physical clumsiness are typical of the condition, but are not required for diagnosis. Suicidal behavior appears to occur at rates similar to those without ASD.
Social interaction
Further information: Asperger syndrome and interpersonal relationships
A lack of demonstrated empathy affects aspects of communal living for persons with Asperger syndrome. Individuals with AS experience difficulties in basic elements of social interaction, which may include a failure to develop friendships or to seek shared enjoyments or achievements with others (for example, showing others objects of interest), a lack of social or emotional reciprocity (social “games” give-and-take mechanic), and impaired nonverbal behaviors in areas such as eye contact, facial expression, posture, and gesture.
People with AS may not be as withdrawn around others, compared with those with other, more debilitating forms of autism; they approach others, even if awkwardly. For example, a person with AS may engage in a one-sided, long-winded speech about a favorite topic, while misunderstanding or not recognizing the listener’s feelings or reactions, such as a wish to change the topic of talk or end the interaction. This social awkwardness has been called “active but odd”. This failure to react appropriately to social interaction may appear as disregard for other people’s feelings, and may come across as insensitive. However, not all individuals with AS will approach others. Some of them may even display selective mutism, speaking not at all to most people and excessively to specific people. Some may choose only to talk to people they like.
The cognitive ability of children with AS often allows them to articulate social norms in a laboratory context, where they may be able to show a theoretical understanding of other people’s emotions; however, they typically have difficulty acting on this knowledge in fluid, real-life situations. People with AS may analyze and distill their observations of social interaction into rigid behavioral guidelines, and apply these rules in awkward ways, such as forced eye contact, resulting in a demeanor that appears rigid or socially naive. Childhood desire for companionship can become numb through a history of failed social encounters.
The hypothesis that individuals with AS are predisposed to violent or criminal behavior has been investigated, but is not supported by data l. More evidence suggests children with AS are victims rather than victimizers. A 2008 review found that an overwhelming number of reported violent criminals with AS had coexisting psychiatric disorders such as schizoaffective disorder.
Restricted and repetitive interests and behavior
People with Asperger syndrome can display behavior, interests, and activities that are restricted and repetitive and are sometimes abnormally intense or focused. They may stick to inflexible routines, move in stereotyped and repetitive ways, preoccupy themselves with parts of objects or compulsive behaviors like lining things up in patterns.
Pursuit of specific and narrow areas of interest is one of the most striking possible features of AS. Individuals with AS may collect volumes of detailed information on a relatively narrow topic such as weather data or star names, without necessarily having a genuine understanding of the broader topic.For example, a child might memorize camera model numbers while caring little about photography. This behavior is usually apparent by age 5 or 6. Although these special interests may change from time to time, they typically become more unusual and narrowly focused, and often dominate social interaction so much that the entire family may become immersed. Because narrow topics often capture the interest of children, this symptom may go unrecognized.
Stereotyped and repetitive motor behaviors are a core part of the diagnosis of AS and other ASDs. They include hand movements such as flapping or twisting, and complex whole-body movements. These are typically repeated in longer bursts and look more voluntary or ritualistic than tics, which are usually faster, less rhythmical and less often symmetrical.
According to the Adult Asperger Assessment (AAA) diagnostic test, a lack of interest in fiction and a positive preference towards non-fiction is common among adults with AS.
Speech and language
Although individuals with Asperger syndrome acquire language skills without significant general delay and their speech typically lacks significant abnormalities, language acquisition and use is often atypical. Abnormalities include verbosity, abrupt transitions, literal interpretations and miscomprehension of nuance, use of metaphor meaningful only to the speaker, auditory perception deficits, unusually pedantic, formal or idiosyncratic speech, and oddities in loudness, pitch, intonation, prosody, and rhythm. Echolalia has also been observed in individuals with AS.
Three aspects of communication patterns are of clinical interest: poor prosody, tangential and circumstantial speech, and marked verbosity. Although inflection and intonation may be less rigid or monotonic than in classic autism, people with AS often have a limited range of intonation: speech may be unusually fast, jerky or loud. Speech may convey a sense of incoherence; the conversational style often includes monologues about topics that bore the listener, fails to provide context for comments, or fails to suppress internal thoughts. Individuals with AS may fail to detect whether the listener is interested or engaged in the conversation. The speaker’s conclusion or point may never be made, and attempts by the listener to elaborate on the speech’s content or logic, or to shift to related topics, are often unsuccessful.
Children with AS may have an unusually sophisticated vocabulary at a young age and have been colloquially called “little professors”, but have difficulty understanding figurative language and tend to use language literally. Children with AS appear to have particular weaknesses in areas of nonliteral language that include humor, irony, teasing, and sarcasm. Although individuals with AS usually understand the cognitive basis of humor, they seem to lack understanding of the intent of humor to share enjoyment with others. Despite strong evidence of impaired humor appreciation, anecdotal reports of humor in individuals with AS seem to challenge some psychological theories of AS and autism.
Motor and sensory perception
Individuals with Asperger syndrome may have signs or symptoms that are independent of the diagnosis, but can affect the individual or the family. These include differences in perception and problems with motor skills, sleep, and emotions.
Individuals with AS often have excellent auditory and visual perception. Children with ASD often demonstrate enhanced perception of small changes in patterns such as arrangements of objects or well-known images; typically this is domain-specific and involves processing of fine-grained features. Conversely, compared with individuals with high-functioning autism, individuals with AS have deficits in some tasks involving visual-spatial perception, auditory perception, or visual memory. Many accounts of individuals with AS and ASD report other unusual sensory and perceptual skills and experiences. They may be unusually sensitive or insensitive to sound, light, and other stimuli; these sensory responses are found in other developmental disorders and are not specific to AS or to ASD. There is little support for increased fight-or-flight response or failure of habituation in autism; there is more evidence of decreased responsiveness to sensory stimuli, although several studies show no differences.
Hans Asperger’s initial accounts and other diagnostic schemes include descriptions of physical clumsiness. Children with AS may be delayed in acquiring skills requiring motor dexterity, such as riding a bicycle or opening a jar, and may seem to move awkwardly or feel “uncomfortable in their own skin”. They may be poorly coordinated, or have an odd or bouncy gait or posture, poor handwriting, or problems with visual-motor integration. They may show problems with proprioception (sensation of body position) on measures of developmental coordination disorder (motor planning disorder), balance, tandem gait, and finger-thumb apposition. There is no evidence that these motor skills problems differentiate AS from other high-functioning ASDs.
Children with AS are more likely to have sleep problems, including difficulty in falling asleep, frequent nocturnal awakenings, and early morning awakenings. AS is also associated with high levels of alexithymia, which is difficulty in identifying and describing one’s emotions. Although AS, lower sleep quality, and alexithymia are associated, their causal relationship is unclear.“
there are multiple different traits one with aspergers has, and mine are especially focal to social interaction. for the most part, the community is very understanding of my problems, but other times, including as recent as last week, i was getting told to "slit your wrists.” “i can’t wait to watch you die slowly and painfully.” “slit your wrist and bleed out til you die.” “go kill yourself like daniel did.” “why can’t you go die with dan?” all told to me anonymously.
like i said, most of the times your community is very understanding and forgiving, whilst very very few are unforgiving, heartless and just plain rude.
i know that this a lot to take in and i understand that but i’d also like to share with you something else.
my mother has something called Hidradenitis suppurativa.
Hidradenitis suppurativa (HS), also known as acne inversa, is a chronic skin disease characterized by clusters of abscesses or subcutaneous boil-like “infections” (often free of actual bacteria) that most commonly affects the underarms, under the breasts, inner thighs, groin, and buttocks. Outbreaks are painful and may persist for years with interspersed periods of inflammation, often culminating in sudden drainage of pus.
Persistent lesions may lead to the formation of sinus tracts, or tunnels connecting the abscesses or infections under the skin. At this stage, complete healing is usually not possible, and progression is variable, with some experiencing remission for months to years at a time, while others may worsen and require multiple surgeries. Bacterial infections and cellulitis (deep tissue inflammation) are other common complications of HS. Depression and pain are often seen with HS and can be difficult to manage. HS often goes undiagnosed for years due to embarrassment causing delay in seeking treatment.
HS flares may be triggered by emotional/erotic stress, sweating, hormonal changes, heat and humidity, and the condition is exacerbated by friction from clothing. The disease is not contagious. There are indications that it is hereditary among certain ethnic groups and autoimmune in nature. Onset is most common in the late teens and early 20’s. For unknown reasons, people with HS develop plugging of their apocrine glands.
There is currently no known cure nor any consistently effective treatment. Incision and drainage procedures may provide symptomatic relief. Carbon dioxide laser surgery may be an effective treatment with a low chance of recurrence. Lukewarm sitz baths can provide relief, gentle antiseptic skin cleansers and hydrogen peroxide assist in keeping affected areas free of bacteria.“
Okay now that we’ve got that established. i was a suicidal teen four years ago. i found Mark and Jack through Felix. i was so comfortable with Felix and i didn’t want to really branch out and watch anyone else.
Boy am I glad i did that.
i first discovered Mark.
Mark was the first reason I stopped cutting and the largest part of the reason I am still alive.
i have struggled with my life and having the problems i do. i know i’m more well off than most. i don’t have a terminal disease, nor am i dying.
but i think that i should shed some light on some stuff that maybe could have charity raised for and with these amazing men could use their platform to speak out about it.
I watched a video of Marks in December of 2014 >link here https://www.youtube.com/shared?ci=qUNn66LW5v0 <
I had previously watched some of Marks videos on occasion a few years before that. I was actually a part of Cyndago’s channel about 3 weeks after they came about.
so back to the Needs To Be Said vlog.
that IS the REASON i am alive today.
seeing him so fucking emotional and upset knowing some people who had started with him were no longer around was heart breaking to me.
And that day i stopped cutting.
Mark Fischbach has been the biggest inspiration in my life. To THIS day, he is one of Many, including tyler. But marks words have never failed me.
After Dan died, i lost one of my closest friends, someone who i talked to nearly everyday and I looked to Mark and Seán even more than i did before.
i lost a few family members in the span of these years i discovered youtube.
i lost a family friend to colon cancer that eventually became brain cancer.
i’ve lost my grandmother and grandfather.
christmas of 2014 my mom almost died from peritonitis, which meant she had a tear in her stomach. if it wasn’t for the doctor she had, she would have died.
which brings me to Seán.
I have never accidentally stumbled upon a channel i love as much as yours.
like mark, you keep me from cutting.
and it’s the same with Ethan.
sure i discovered him through Mark i like ethan for ETHAN.
so.
in those times i was sad i turned to you guys. you guys have given me nothing but happiness.
nothing but love.
nothing but truth.
nothing but your best.
i know this is a long message but i figured i’d share my story with you all. it means a lot.
i also wanna say a thank you to @wiishu , Amy, Wade, Molly, and anyone else.
you guys have helped me.
i hope you guys can maybe read this, learn a little bit of who i am as a person, learn about the disorder i have, the disease my mom has, and how much it means to us if you could maybe learn about it and maybe do some charity work to help it out.
Now why i shared the art i did.
i shared it because as you could probably tell, i’m an artist. i’m not a very good one, but i try.
this art is to just thank you all for how much you do for us. i have so much more but this is all i could share.
Now i’m going to end this here, but if you guys could read this and stuff it’d be really great.
sincerely,
@midnightiplier (twitter handle as well)
Nicole :)

This woman’s art project powerfully illustrates the lasting impact of sexual assault and how it complicates all other kinds of intimacy

Psst…

See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

This woman’s art project powerfully illustrates the lasting impact of sexual assault and how it complicates all other kinds of intimacy

Psst…